queen mum jokes

The Queens 2 Corgi's were talking, with one saying "I'm glad that auld one
has finally gone", "why" asked the other. " Because I was getting fed up
taking the blame for pissing on the couch"

What do Princess di and the queen mum have in common?
They were both touching 102 when they died

So the queen mum meets lady Di in heaven & says "how
do I get a halo like yours?". Di turns to her and says
"f*** off gran, its a steering wheel".

Excerpts from the Book of Remembrance:

---------------------------------------------------------
"I think that the Queen Mum and Princess Diana are
our very own Twin Trade Towers. At last we can look
the people of New York in the face".
L.Ward, Mansfield.

----------------------------------------------------------
"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again,
but eventually I did. Now the Queen Mum has gone
I cannot image that I will ever smile for the rest of
my
life, but I will probably break that one too".
A.Christie,Hendon.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"She was one of the old school, all the remaining
royals are shit"
J.Clement. Grantham.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"I thought she would never die, she has let us all
down very badly"
D.Holmes, Somerset.

------------------------------------------------------------
"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember
one time she was visiting a school and I asked her if
she
would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she
left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis
and I
won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a
fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She
pissed herself later though, it was sickening".
B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.

------------------------------------------------------------
"She was a marvellous woman, and a wonderful lover".
L. J.Worthington, Penrith.

------------------------------------------------------------
"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have
got the dayoff".
S.Wilson, Bristol.

------------------------------------------------------------
"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a
member of the Royal family without being accused
of being homosexual".
J. Fletcher, High Wycombe.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Her death should act as a warning to others who
think it is cool to experiment with drugs".
E. Franks, Cheshire.

------------------------------------------------------------
"On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest
condolences".
T.Watson, Ilford.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could
still drive around The Mall on its own and bring
pleasure to the tourists".
Y. Howell, Slough.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my
liking, the woman should have a bit more compassion,
how would she feel if it was her mother?"
W.Waugh, Richmond.

------------------------------------------------------------
"It is such a loss, God has shat on our heads".
K. O'Neil, Inverness.

------------------------------------------------------------
"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback
put an end to her public duties".
N. Wallace, Swansea.

------------------------------------------------------------
"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way
responsible for this terrible event"
E. Thompson, West Lothian.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"Bomb Iraq for us Tony, it's the only thing that will
make us feel better"
P.McGregor, Southampton.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels,
jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are
queuing up to walk past her coffin".
R. Thompson, Bath.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and
will not do so again until her majesty is buried"
E. Gorman, Derbyshire.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"Good God, who is next, Geri Halliwell?".
R. Combes, Romford.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"No matter how she felt, no matter the situation,
she always wore a smile. Just like a retard"
G. Hollins, East Sussex.

------------------------------------------------------------
"I remember she came to visit us in the East End one
time. She was so kind, so generous and so sweet.
She whispered softly in my ear, 'you know its not
true' she said, 'you don't smell of shit'. She was a
wondrous person".
E.Collier, London.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as
exciting as Diana".
G.Williams, West Midlands.

------------------------------------------------------------
"She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she
perpetrated insurance fraud or lied about expense
claims. She was like us in a good way. God bless
you ma'am".
L. Weller, Harlow.

------------------------------------------------------------
"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone
right now, you heartless bastard!"
J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.

------------------------------------------------------------
"She had such a difficult life, always battling
against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that
if there is a next time round she is given a life of
privilege and comfort"
T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.

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Received on Fri Apr 12 11:02:15 2002